sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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