I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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