These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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