I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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