theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
