I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
