I want to stick my p in your. b.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
