Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
