How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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