Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
