If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize