how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
