My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
