Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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