No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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