My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
