im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
