evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Randomize
