You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
