It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize