Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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