I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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