so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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