We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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