Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My life is pants optional.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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