He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
