wanna go halves on a baby?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
