apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
