Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
