dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize