And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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