i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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