Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
