what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
