What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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