remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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