I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
