I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
