giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize