Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize