I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
