Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
