people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
