why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
