Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
