i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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