we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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