The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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