I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we're so committed to being not committed
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
