No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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