her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
