we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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