any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
