your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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