i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
