Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
