new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize