Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
