Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
