i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
