the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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