morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You did what with his pubic hair?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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