No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
