The best revenge is premature balding
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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