i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
