Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
