every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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