Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
