...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
